A New Spin on the "It Girl"

A New Spin on the "It Girl"

Unfortunately, today's society is all about exclusivity. The places we shop, the clothes we wear, the places we eat, and even the friends we choose to hang out with are all graded so as to see who can ultimately be the most exclusive. 
I've often wondered why this is. Why, as humans, do we feel the need to pick certain options out of a multitude of possibilities? Why do we feel the need to leave others out? In a world where an infinite amount of good can happen, why should we limit ourselves to an exclusive set of outcomes?

We shouldn't ever feel the need to leave others out. The classiest of individuals know that if we are acting out of love, the possibility of exclusivity would never even exist, but rather it seems to show its face in the presence of fear. When we act out of love, showing compassion and kindness toward others, we are proving that there is something larger than selfish desires. When we truly love others we let them know that we will be there for them eternally, regardless of where they "fit in" in our personal life plans or in our culture. True love is about making sure others feel comfortable, and bringing joy, encouragement, and a multitude of other blessings into a person's life, regardless of what that person might be able to do for you. 

In a world where we focus on the "It Girl", and on branding ourselves and making ourselves look "better than", it has become increasingly evident to me what a true "It Girl" is.  I am not basing my definition on typical factors such as external beauty, social status, or financial standing, though those are often some of the criteria for exclusivity in the world we live in. I have realized that to be an "It Girl"you must bring "it" to everyone in your life. That is, a true "It Girl" brings whatever "it" is that a particular person needs it in order to help create that person's best version of themself. Truth, peace, friendship, encouragement, among many other things, are just some of the gifts that can be offered. That's that, no exclusivity about it. 

The temptation to be exclusive is always there. It is always an option to leave someone out, but the best practice for life is to focus on including others. Someone else's life can be tough enough...they don't need the added stress of someone leaving them out. And plus, being exclusive shows fear of inadequacy on the excluder's part. Everyone deserves love and appropriate treatment and I have faith that if we start giving more and fearing less, we will be able to cut down a little on this problem.

XOXO,

E

From Connecting the Dots to a Masterpiece

We all know that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. However, some of us don't always keep in mind that that particular linear path is not the one that bears the most fruit for us (and for others) in the end. Most of the time our successes can be attributed to efficiency, but there are other, just as critical instances, where our successes are determined by our overall experience and what we have taken away from one particular scene that might be applicable at another. 

Steinbeck describes life's journeys like this, "A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle we do not take a trip; the trip takes us."

There are so many moments in my life that I planned linearly that have in fact turned into something much more beautiful and intricate that I could have ever even thought to plan out! My plans, which connected me from point A to point B and so on, were like the connect the dots puzzles children do for fun. But when my plans were disrupted was when I was able to see the true beauty and art that is my unique life.

As clever individuals we all know that there is magnificent value in planning...I don't want to understate that. But the true test of cleverness is what we make out of those plans when they have been ripped and demolished leaving a completely new puzzle for us to make sense of. In those situations, we must continue to enjoy those moments for what they are, work on improving ourselves and our futures, and continue to derive our happiness, not solely on selfish foundations, but on the value we find in serving others. And that is where we go from connecting the dots to a unique and astonishing masterpiece!

(This is one of my favorite works by Van Gogh. I hope you can enjoy it too!)


As Always,

E

A Little Bit of Luck Goes a Long Way

With St. Patrick’s Day in the rear view mirror, I was just reflecting about my thoughts on luck. Luck is like a good hair day, when we don’t have it we wish we did and when we do have it, we are on the top of the world for our own little moment in time. A clever person knows how to take a stroke of luck and capitalize on it and turn it into a stage for his or her dreams. Recently, I’ve had a little bit of luck, but it hasn’t always been that way. In fact, it rarely is.

I’m the girl who had a sinus infection, ear infection, bronchitis, and pink eye in both eyes all at the same time while simultaneously being threatened with deportation from China. Black cats cross my path on a regular basis. I can’t keep my tiny lucky bamboo plant alive to save either of our lives (I'm pretty sure the moment it entered my room it just surrendered its life). It’s ridiculous how unlucky I am.

But then there are moments when everything changes. And let me tell you, these moments are what it’s all about. Recently I’ve had a few moments of luck and they have inspired me to reevaluate my dreams. The thing is, clever people realize that, objects moving in a positive direction will continue to move in a positive direction until they are disrupted by an outside force. And even when an outside force is acting on them, depending on the intensity of their positive energy, it can be really hard to disrupt this path. Because this is true, only the most clever individuals, use this principle to get themselves out of a rut. 

It doesn’t have to be a huge stroke of luck. In fact it can be something seemingly irrelevant. The important part is that we use these moments as a mood booster and  a nudge in the right direction. 

Trust me, it’s easy to consider how unlucky we are....to count our curses. Sometimes it’s not so easy to excavate those small instances of luck, but when we do, bigger miracles happen, we are happy about our lives and thus able to focus on helping others, which any classy girl knows is what life is all about!

May the Luck Be with You,

E

Entertain the Thought

We all have those people in our lives, some might call them dramatic, that always seem to have the most interesting ways of presenting themselves and their lives. I'm not describing the types of "drama queens" that we are all aware of...the ones that can be annoying and seem to blow things out of proportion to draw attention only to themselves. I am actually talking about those people that realize their competency to add entertainment value to every day situations.

I fully advocate individuals that realize that being dramatic and entertaining is one of their strengths. As long as a person is being themselves, I see no problem with their utilization of drama. In fact, I LOVE IT! Try as we might not to like them, we all have those people in our lives that seem to charm us through their drama. You know the ones I'm talking about...those people who walk in the room and suddenly it's brighter, more lively. Those that seem to attract the attention of everyone in the room, regardless of what they are doing.

One reason I advocate drama is because it counteracts some of life's most boring moments. For example, I have given zillions (over-dramatic) of presentations throughout my college career, but one way I keep from being boring and ordinary is to incorporate my entertainment value. I think it is very unusual, and very powerful, to find a person that can entertain and inform.

Drama is also extremely effective when it is used in the right context. It should never be used to draw attention to oneself. Trust me, you'll get more positive attention if you just act like yourself and save the drama for later. However, if drama is used for the benefit of others, it's amazing. It can benefit others in so many ways. Maybe you are just brightening someone's day and trying to make it less boring. Maybe you are using drama on a much larger scale, like Patch Adams did when he dressed as a clown to do his rounds as a medical doctor for children with cancer.

No matter what the extent of your dramatic experience there are a couple of rules to keep in mind. Never, under any circumstances, should you upstage another person. If it is their moment, let them have it...you'll have your turn to shine. Second, one must know their audience...it may not be appropriate to be as dramatic at someone else's party as it is when you are on the phone with a friend. A little brain work is all it takes to figure this out! Be strategic about the use of your drama and it could very well be an untapped asset.

Now, the show must go on, so go out there and break a leg!

XOXO,
E

Every Thing That Glitters...

Diamonds are universally beautiful. Regardless of someone's style or taste they can almost always find a diamond that they love. Isn't it weird that diamonds come from Carbon found in the earth's crust? In fact, diamonds are the single hardest material found in the world. They are virtually uncrushable. What might be the craziest fact is that they are formed under extreme pressure and heat.

Like diamonds, people can often be stunning, eye catching and alluring. In fact, it seems to me that some of the most captivating and dazzling people are actually hiding under an exterior shell. Similar to the crust of the earth where real diamonds are formed, people's most dazzling features may become disguised by their rugged outer shells.

For example, a lot of the time my best self is not visible. It is often hidden under my high strung nature, my results driven approach to life, or the fact that I'm just a little too intense at times. However if people are ever able to tear away those barriers they will find that I'm the biggest softie in the world. (I don't know of many other people that sincerely weep in movies like The Lion King, Patch Adams, & Remember the Titans!) This is true for everyone. We all have our outer walls that often block our most beautiful aspects. People may get glimpses of our sparkle, but until our barriers come down they will never see the full dazzle of all that we have to offer.

The funny thing about diamonds is that they are formed under pressure. As humans we encounter pressure and stressful situations frequently. Some of use handle them better than others. Others of us have anxiety attacks, snap at others, seem inherently intense or intimidating...when that simply isn't the case. Regardless of how people deal with pressure and heated situations, their beauty is usually not at its best. These pressures aren't glamorous, but when they are overcome...it is equally as beautiful as a newly polished diamond.

Just remember...sometimes things have to be put under pressure before their most beautiful parts are visible. Similarly, just because something is rugged or unrefined on the outside doesn't mean that there isn't inherent beauty, goodness, and strength just waiting to be recognized.

XOXO,
E

Graceful Goodbyes

Don't be dismayed by good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends. ---Richard Bach



Learning to say goodbye is one of the toughest things in life. Premeditated goodbyes might be even worse because the anxiety period leading up to the goodbye can often be unbearable. The emotion evoking goodbye is natural. It's okay to cry (though I would advise not). It's okay to worry too (but a life spent worried is one wasted...again with the hypocrisy!). It's ideal to laugh (humor works wonders!) But it is never, ever okay to forget.



Making a graceful goodbye is all about savoring those last moments with the people you love and letting them know you love them. Don't stress about it. Enjoy the moment and then carry on with your life. When life is tough these memories will carry you through.



Not only do the relationships we have with others teach us valuable lessons and shape our lives, but they also bring so much beauty. In fact when I am asked to describe Heaven, the only way I ever do so is by saying that in Heaven we will never have to sacrifice our relationships with others. No heartbreak and no goodbyes. Just infinite attention and love. There really couldn't be a better feeling.



The best part about a goodbye is that only a reuniting can follow. It may happen soon or it could take a while, but like all good things...it's worth waiting for. And the feeling of being reunited is often better than anything else!



Embrace what you have. When it's time to transition, do so bravely with the knowledge that goodbyes aren't forever and the imagination to visualize the spectacularity of reuniting.



XOXO,

E

Confidence Confidante

I was recently in a production that required me to dance in front of people and it was, at times, a frightening experience. There were multiple moments of anxiety when I thought I might die if anyone I knew saw me dancing. In fact when I knew friends were watching me I had so much anxiety I almost didn't perform at all. In reality, I wasn't the best, but I wasn't the worst. I just lacked self-confidence.

There is a fine line between confidence and conceitedness, but confidence is essential to charm. Everyone should realize that they are capable of great things and they have the power to positively change others' lives. Confidence is magnetic and people are attracted to it. Conceitedness, however, is basically people repellant. For example, wearing makeup and doing pretty hairstyles are art forms and they can be fun, but if for some reason I don't have time to make them happen, I have the confidence to go through the day knowing that I have what it takes to reach my goals. This is because confidence means focusing on the positive things that are present instead of focusing on the things that are going wrong. Yeah I may not look picture perfect, but I am still poised, intelligent, caring, honest, etc.

As a confidence building exercise I think it is important for people to mentally note all of their positive qualities that are not likely to change. For example, "I can make people laugh. I am motivated. I have compassion for others. I am a hard-worker." Notice I didn't say, "I wish I was skinnier. I wish I had more money. I wish I didn't have to study. I wish I was as beautiful as someone else."Focus on the tangible characteristics you have and play them up!

Finally, realize that many of these endearing characteristics have the power to affect other people and in the end that's what it's all about. If you wake up looking less than perfect one day but use that day to change someone's life...accept that victory!

XOXO,
E